I just sort of felt compelled to respond – but now that I have started I am having trouble trying to organise my thoughts into words. but i will try.

I am sorry you have been feeling so much pain. Your situation from when you were a child was terrible and no child should have to deal with that but unfortunately it is far more common than I think anyone would ever like to admit. It often stays as a dark burning secret that slowly scorches and scars us. often for the very reason you said, if you do try to tell someone they don’t – or should i say dont wont to – believe it. It is far to hard for them to handle. I guess from the parents (mothers) point of view it is too hard for them to deal with it as if they were to take your side and act on it (or even acknowledge it) they would lose everything they have – it would destroy their universe, their family and home. Because for them their entire life is based on being a wife – even thou they may have other interests or even a career it is this idea of their family that is the center of their universe – their network of friends and support is often thru this idea of being wife and mother and the home they have with their husband.
This does not excuse their behavior in not believing you and their denial of it’s possibility, but it does sort of explain it – in some ways at least.

And I am not trying to diminish your pain in anyway, but your feelings of lonliness and pains from love are even more common. It often feels like everyone else is so superficial and that their is no way they could be in or understand you pain. but as Michuru says when thinking back about the fact that at the time she thought that no-one could be lonelier or in as dark a place as she was at the time because back then she had no idea about the pain of the secret that Ruka was carrying. It may not feel like it (and although no one is in the exact situation as you) but that feeling of loneliness and the pain of love (or lack of) is something that affects almost everyone. and if not that, then they have their own crosses and pain to bare.

Many people (just like you) run away from your problems (like michuru, ruka and takeru) feeling like you do not want to be a burden or a problem for others. but by doing this you are actually causing them more pain. Although sharing everything can also often cause even more problems and pain. When I was at university I had a crush on my best friend (just like Ruka did – I am female by the way) I kept it a secret for a long time but in the end I could no longer and confessed my feelings. Unfortunately she could not return them and it caused a barrier between us. It made her uncomfortable and she could not look at me the same way again. It was made worse by the fact that she ended up having a relationship with my closest male friend who i lived with. So in one shot I lost the 2 people most important to me. I did not even have anyone to talk to about it as could not talk to my best friend (because she was the subject) and I could not talk to my closet male friend because they were together. So then instead of her coming to visit and stay with me, as she always had, she was now coming over and just seeing him. I would stay in my room and hear her arrive, I would wait for a knock on my door that didn’t come then I would hear her go into his room. It was torture.

I am not sure what it is I am trying to say, obviously confessing your love when the other person can not return those feelings often ends badly, but still you should not always run away just because you don’t want to burden your friends. I know it is a hard subject to ever bring up but maybe if your friends knew what had happened to you when you were young and why you feel so uncomfortable being touched, they would understand better. Maybe there have been times when you have pulled away from someone because of this and they didn’t understand and it might have hurt their feelings without you realising it. – Think takeru pulling away from micheru if she went to hug him, she would think that he didn’t like her and would upset her. people often think the worst just like in all the bad timing moments in LF.

I am sorry, none of this is probably making you feel better. Just know you are not really alone.

Cheers